Don't wait for others to do things with you

Happy Sunday friends and family, and thank you for opening this week’s #TheLifeofJLOWE newsletter! 🥰

Last week, we talked about how to appreciate the beauty of being alone and I mentioned something that I thought warranted a newsletter article of its own. I talked about the power of being alone not just on a walk or in personal meditation, but in spaces where you normally wouldn’t be alone. 👥

Independence as a means to growth

In nature, we see over and over again how once animals reach a certain stage of life, they are forced to become independent and tackle life on their own. 🪺

We see birds leaving the nest to learn how to fly, penguins and other sea creatures born on land making their way into the ocean to learn to swim or even many land mammals (for example, lions 🦁) go off on their own to become independent to learn to hunt for prey.

Humans fundamentally are really no different, save for the fact that we live in a large and well-interconnected global society. 🤳🏻 On a very natural level, humans also have to be independent at some point to learn the things that we need to survive.

Of course, it’s not hunting and gathering in a primitive way anymore, but for our social development, it’s so important to be able to do things on your own and to be able to take care of yourself in any scenario you find yourself in.

Don’t wait for others to do things with you

Last weekend, I went to a wheel-throwing pottery class by myself. I had done a pottery class once before with one of my friends during college, but I knew since then that I wanted to re-explore the process. I just hadn’t had the opportunity as yet. 🏺

Then, last Friday night, I was lying on the couch watching TV when I got an ad on Instagram for a pottery class that was happening the next day. I hadn’t made any plans for the weekend yet, so I thought to myself, “hey, why not?” 💡

Of course, my first thought was to invite a friend, but as I was signing up, I got put on the waitlist. A few minutes later, I got a text message saying that I had gotten off the waitlist but the class was now full and I got the last spot. So although I had intended to go alone, now I was for sure going alone. 🧍‍♂️

And so I went on a solo date, and it was a great experience to meet new people and do something fun with total strangers for 4 hours. 👻

It takes time, but also takes courage

I’m no stranger to doing things on my own, but I’m also not an expert or completely comfortable with it yet either. However, every time that I do an activity like that on my own, I find that it forces me way out of my comfort zone and really forces me to exercise my social skills.

I definitely have to be in the right headspace to meet new people and I have to think about how to introduce myself. As a result, I get to re-explore my approach to that thought process every once in a while.

When I do things like that on my own, I’m throwing myself into the “wild” and “jumping out of the nest” so that I can become comfortable with the uncomfortable. It helps me to learn how to communicate better with new people and really keep an open mind when I meet people too.

For example, there were people from Switzerland, France, Venezuela, Peru and Miami all in my pottery class, so with me being from Jamaica too, we had such a wide variety of backgrounds and were all just playing with clay together. We were able to bond over that shared human experience of moulding clay and we laughed and joked together when our clay bowls would collapse.

Doing something like a pottery class - an individual activity in a group setting - is a great way to try out doing things on your own! ☺️

Do it for the experience of doing it alone

To get to the point where I’m comfortable enough to even think about going to a pottery class by myself took years to build up that confidence. I really started small by eating lunch by myself at cafes while studying during high school, then gradually worked up to eating at restaurants alone or even spending a day at the mall alone.