How to free yourself from the opinions of others

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Happy Sunday & thanks for taking the time to open this week’s #TheLifeOfJLOWE newsletter!

This past week, for me, was one of those that felt long and short at the same time. On Thursday, I found myself saying to co-workers “Wow, this week has flown by”, then by Friday, I spent the whole day in disbelief that it was still a weekday.

Funnily enough, I think about sharing sentiments like that, pretty often.

“Wow, this week has flown by”

For me, maybe? But for someone else - maybe even the person I’m saying that to - it could’ve been the longest week of their life. Who’s to say that my experience is a shared experience? Why did I feel like that was something that could’ve been relatable?

People’s opinions are projections of their own experiences

As I said in last week’s newsletter, and since I’m not the fastest reader out there, I’m reading Timothy Ferris’ “The 4-hour Workweek”, and this quote above was taken from that book as well.

As I think about the scenario I described above, it really makes me stop and think that if I’m doing it, everyone else probably is too. Everyone’s trying to find some sort of relatable experience to bond with someone else over , but oftentimes, especially with people who we aren’t necessarily close with - like co-workers for example - what we think could be relatable things might just be the least relatable things in reality.

This isn’t because we’re tone-deaf or not reading the room necessarily, but it’s because when we interact with people in one context, we often make the subconscious assumption that if we’re all here now, we have something in common, so there could be other things in common too. And that’s not necessarily wrong.

A few examples of people sharing projections

For example, at work, there are people in all different stages of their life - like me, one year out of college, having conversations with people who are recently married or others who are nearing retirement. Yet, there we are, all sharing the office space and making small talk.

I’ve spoken to people in the office who have told me the most exciting stories of their amazing midwest United States vacations that I couldn’t even begin to imagine, but I have no clue what the Kansas or Colorado even look like so unfortunately I can’t relate.

Then there’s me for example - talking to my co-workers about going home to Jamaica for carnival. The co-worker from Ohio won’t know what the balls a fete is, much less a steelpan or soca music, so my excitement isn’t translated.

Yet, I suppose smiling and nodding at each other is enough social approval for us to keep sharing those stories anyways.

Social media is an amplifier of this phenomenon of projections

In the age of social media that we live in, we’re often having little small talk-like interactions with people everyday. Whether it’s commenting on someone’s Instagram post, sharing a TikTok with a friend that you think they’ll relate to or even just reading the comments under your own posts.

Social media is an engineered online society that exposes us to hundreds or thousands of projections of others’ lives on a daily basis. And, pardon my french - it f*cks us up.

In the same way that being in the office with co-workers makes us believe that we all must have something in common, being on the same online platform as others also empowers people to think that they have something in common with you. Except in this case they really really don’t know you, and you weren’t even sharing your projection with an individual to begin with.

Man, I sound like social-media hater #1. You would never think I have accounts on all platforms. 😅😆 

Opinions are projections too

In the same way that everyone can only ever share stories from their own experiences, we can only ever form opinions based on our own experiences too.

Who you are and the experiences that have made you who you are should never be validated (or invalidated) by the opinions of others, because they don’t know the context in which you had those experiences.

People will always project onto you what they think based on what they know, and simply put, what they know isn’t the same as what you know.

This is important to keep in mind, especially in the online space as you potentially experience the opinions of others who you don’t know or who don’t know you.

Let’s talk about #TheLifeofJLOWE

As you read my newsletter, I want you to also be acutely aware of this fact too.

My experiences aren’t the same as yours - not a single one of you - so take everything that I say with a grain of salt and remember that what you’re reading is a projection of who I am and what I have experienced.

This isn’t to say that I’m trying to lead you astray, but I always try to think about the reader on the other side of the world who has no context of America, Jamaica or Western culture and remember that they likely won’t draw the same inspiration from my texts as someone more socialised in similar ways as me.

And that brings me to the next part of this message which is simply:

Not everything you hear, read, watch or consume in any way from others is necessarily truth.

Easily said, but harder to put into practice.

Conclusion

To free yourself from the opinions of others, you simply have to remember the definition of what an opinion is. Opinions are inherently subjective viewpoints.

I think it’s so important to remember that as you make decisions in life, and as you decide things that could be pivotal in your own life, that your life is yours (and others’ lives are their own).

Advice that you get from any source, whether its a mentor, a podcast, a Youtube channel or even this newsletter, will inherently be advice that’s being drawn from someone’s own experiences. You won’t ever be able to get full insight into what those people’s experiences were, so you should always make final decisions for yourself and for your life based on your own experiences and what’s right for you.

Today’s message isn’t just to focus on not letting social media comments affect you. While that’s a big part of the conversation around opinions, the real meat of the matter is not letting other people’s experiences shape your own.

You have a beautiful life ahead of you and a beautiful life behind you despite the unique challenges you’ve faced, and it’s beautiful because it’s yours.

Don’t let the world of information, advice and media overwhelm you into doing anything that you don’t think is right for your own life.

Make your own decisions - consult others, yes - but always remember where they’re coming from, because even if it’s from a place of honesty and love, that place is not the same place that your decisions need to come from.

Love and light to you for the rest of the week!

Until next Sunday,
Justin

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