What matters to you?

In partnership with

Happy Sunday & thank you for opening this week’s #TheLifeofJLOWE newsletter!

Last week, I wrote about what the Paris 2024 Olympics has taught me so far, and this weekend we are in the heights of the track and field part of the Olympics, which is of course every Jamaican’s most anticipated event lineup. 🇯🇲 

This week, I’m back in Jamaica to be around family and friends and healing from what has been a more than stressful July.

If you’ve been reading my newsletter in past few weeks, you may have noticed that there’s been a theme of self-autonomy that’s been on my mind.

It’s this idea of taking your own life and making it into what you want, without worrying about what others have to say or think about it. I’ve asked the question - “how do you define success for yourself?” and even outrightly wrote about how to free yourself from the expectations of others. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about how society often subconsciously weighs on us with expectations, whether it be through direct expressions of them or simply internalised expectations from the media that we consume.

At what point do you become your own priority?

We often don’t take the time to consider what it is that we really want out of life because of those expectations or imposed responsibilities and I want to be sure to acknowledge that it’s a privilege to be able to take the time to even think about that question, and to even be able to take your own life into your own hands. 

But at what point does that stop being a privilege and become a personal responsibility to yourself? At what point do we stop pleasing others and finally do things for ourselves and because we want to do them?

I’m sure the answer differs for every person, but what’s true for you?

The Essential Rumi: A Great Wagon

Last night I spent some time with a friend reading “The Essential Rumi” which is a collection of poems and thoughts written by 13th century poet Jalāl al-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī.

We read the poem “A Great Wagon” and while there were multiple takeaways, the stanza that struck me was the following:

I really resonated with the lines lines “If you do not come, these do not matter. If you do come, these do not matter”. 

Essentially, he’s saying whether or not you come to the Orchard, what it offers doesn’t matter, because the point was never to revel in what it offers, but to be present in the place itself. 

For me, that really resonated for two reasons:

1. It reveals how life can be transactional when it shouldn’t be

2. It begs the question - “what matters?”

1. Life can be transactional 

A big part of growing up for me has been recognising that a lot of relationships in life are transactional. This of course stems from how people develop business relationships and do favours for one another as a part of that arrangement, but it’s easy to let that mentality creep into your personal life when you become used to building a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” kind of relationship with people.

The quote I mentioned helps me to recognize the true value in being present and having relationships with people and places, and helps me to remain conscious about how I treat people and places in my life. I’d like to build relationships with people not for what they offer to me, but for who they are and learn how to appreciate differences and value perspectives that may be different from mine.

“Come to the orchard in Spring”, he says, and whether or not you come, what the Orchard offers was not the reason you were invited to be there.

A quick word from our sponsors:

Alibaba Guaranteed: Making Global Sourcing as Simple as Online Shopping

The days of sourcing products and haggling on price, delivery, or shipping from across the world are over.

Through Alibaba Guaranteed, you can source products with added confidence by discovering products at fixed prices with shipping fees included, goods dispatched within 72 hours, and guaranteed delivery by the promised date. Plus, you get quick money back for order issues.

Try it today to get free shipping on your first Alibaba Guaranteed order!

Try Free Shipping

2. What matters?

The second question that this quote makes me ponder is “what matters?” This is important, because each of us has priorities, whether that be people, goals, dreams or values, but when was the last time you stopped to actually think about what matters to you?

Is it having a lot of money? Is it having deep personal connections with people? Is it appearing to live an amazing life on Instagram? Is it helping other people to live a better life?

I think it’s so important that we have our priorities straight with ourselves, and that means actually doing the work to think about them and write them down. You might think you know, but in reality they’re just an abstract cloud of thoughts in your mind that needs to be organised so that you can really understand yourself and what you want out of life.

Conclusion

In this life, we have to be mindful. Mindful of how we treat people and how we think about other people, but most of all we have to be mindful of ourselves. 

I think it’s so important to remember that people have intrinsic value. Relationships have intrinsic value. Even by just being in silence with another person can be healing for you. Relationships aren’t all about what you or the other person can bring to the table, but are about connecting on things and enjoying the company of one another.

Further than that, for me, having good and true relationships with the people in my life is what matters.

But what matters for you?

When I did the exercise of actually writing down what mattered to me in life, my relationships with people was at the top. My friends and family have always poured into me, and so I strive to do the same in my relationships, both old and new.

I encourage you to actually write down that list of priorities for yourself.

Once you understand what truly matters to you, you can begin to really prioritise that and take steps to realizing the life you want for yourself. 

Oh, and one last thing - priorities can change. So check and revise that list often. As you grow and change so will what matters to you. 

Until next Sunday,
Justin