Be intentional about your time alone

Happy Sunday and thanks for opening this week’s #TheLifeofJLOWE newsletter!

Before we get into the newsletter, happy Mother’s Day to all the moms reading today!

I want to share today one important meditation that I’ve had over the past few years:

I’ve often heard people say things like “Oh I wish xyz was my mother!” or things of the sort. I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never wanted anyone but my own mother to be my mother. I’ve been loved unconditionally my whole life and I’ve been so incredibly blessed to have a mother that gives so much of herself to me and my brothers.

To my mom, who I know is reading this - you are the greatest ever and you are so loved. Never forget that. I love you!! ❤️ 

My first solo concert experience

Following on the theme of doing things alone and not waiting on other’s to do things with you, this past Tuesday, I went to my first live music concert alone! I went to a Jacob Collier concert in Miami Beach, and man - it was absolutely beautiful.

If you’re reading this, and you’re like “who tf is Jacob Collier??” well let me be the first to put you on. He’s the musician of all musicians and an absolute prodigy. My favourite song of his is Little Blue (feat. Brandi Carlile) - Jacob Collier. That song feels like a hug. Listen to it with headphones on and experience the warmth of the music.

Then, check out the live rendition he did at the concert on Tuesday. I put it on my TikTok so that everyone who wanted to could experience it too. I just had to share.

Set goals for your personal time

So I know you’re itching to know - what is Justin going to tell us he learnt from his first solo concert experience?

Well, in short, that you should set a goal for the time that you spend alone.

As I’ve constantly recommended that you spend more time alone in the past few Sunday newsletters, I think it’s super important to re-iterate that you should be intentional about the time that you’re spending by yourself. When it’s just you, use that time to meditate, reflect on the past, plan for the future or to just give yourself a break from thoughts altogether.

When I went to the concert, the goal I set was simple - make one friend. And I did! 😁 (Shoutout to my new friend Kevin, even though he’s probably not reading this)

I knew I wouldn’t have much anxiety about showing up to the concert alone or about experiencing the concert alone. That wasn’t my concern. I wanted to challenge myself as an extrovert and make that time I had alone intentional about meeting new musicians in Miami. (As I said, Jacob Collier is a musician’s musician, so I could assume fairly well that the audience would be full of musicians, and I was 100% correct.)

How to set a goal for your time alone

If you’re reading this and thinking about spending some time alone, let me help you out a bit.

How I think about being alone is not that I’m ever spending time by myself, but rather that I’m spending time with myself. As I challenged you to do a few weeks ago, you need to spend time with yourself to become your own best friend.

So here are a few tips:

1. Your time alone doesn’t have to be planned. It can be spur-of-the-moment and very spontaneous. If you get an urge to do something by yourself, just do it. Don’t think twice. Just go.

2. Set ONE goal for each time you decide to spend with yourself. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Take it easy, remember it’s your best friend (yourself) we’re talking about here. Don’t set the bar too high.

3. Put away the phone. Time alone is not time alone if you’re texting people or doom-scrolling. If you can, leave the phone altogether.

4. Do something that makes you uncomfortable, but not too uncomfortable. Start small. If you’ve never eaten a meal at a restaurant by yourself before, maybe go eat by yourself at an empty cafe early in the morning for starters. Don’t make it feel impossible if you’re scared enough of just the idea.

A few examples of goals for your alone time

As I said, you can set a goal to make one new friend. Or if you don’t want to establish a whole new relationship, make your goal to talk to one new person. Just talk to them, and then when you leave you never have to talk to them or see them ever again. (But hey, maybe the next time after that, you can actually develop a relationship with a new person; but start small the first time)

For your time alone alone, maybe write down one thing that you’re grateful for. Or maybe think about a new food that you want to try. How about thinking about a new activity that you could be interested in? Or better yet, why not write down the reasons why you haven’t yet tried that thing that you’ve always wanted to try (and then realize that you’re the only one holding yourself back).

Conclusion

My point today is simple - go be with yourself, and be intentional about the time you spend with yourself.

If you want to truly grow as a person, take this one piece of advice that I think about very often:

If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others? If you don’t respect yourself, how can you respect others? If you’re not comfortable with yourself, how can you be comfortable with others?

If you don’t know how to get to know yourself better, how can you know how to get to know others better?

Be your own best friend. Get to know yourself better so that you can develop more meaningful relationships with the people around you. Recognize that if you aren’t in tune with yourself, you’ll never be in tune with anyone else either.

If you take that piece of advice to heart, you’ll quickly find that your solution is to spend more time with yourself. And luckily for you, it’s never too late to start doing that (or anything, really, for that matter 😉)

Until next Sunday,

Justin